19jun07 PJ Ryans

in utter abject misery i have lived the last 4 days. i worry what is happening to my body. i worry so much about everything. she, jane, toys so awfully with my heart, which in turn takes it out on my sanity. this utter heartbreak is more than i can bear. i never want to feel this badly again. never do i want to lose love again. never do i want to feel the soft touch of deception. the sting of rejection. i hate this. my mind is an absolute warzone and i worry about my synaptical health. i must look at things objectively. i cannot lose sight of being happy. i cannot lose sight on perspective. i will overcome this pain as i have every other time. i will overcome this too. life is not over. be good. be reasonable. don't give in to fears.for fuck's sake stay on top of it all and don't give in. don't follow down mental ambushes. keep it light. don't think too hard about it. i will overcome. for the sake of my life, for the sake of staying alive, i will overcome this pain.