an isolationist
this is not an easy task which is laid out before me. to stop searching without, to stop seeking the external, but to lay a seed inside and allow it to grow through only my actions, and only my forward and global thinking. these dark thoughts, thoughts of ruining new relationships of my ex, thoughts of murder and suicide must be stricken from this journey.
the dull roar and unending lightening strikes of adrenaline through my stomach has now given way to it's former occupant, depression. i miss things. i long after things. i miss the comfort, although in retrospect i must remember that it was not comfort at all. comfort i have found in the fleeting moments of positive thinking. they happen once every two days or so and catch me off guard. it's been 30 years, but i must found out what the fuck i am doing here. i have to be above the bullshit of my exes. i have to be above the drama, and the pain that these situations have caused. soon enough she will wise up, and realize that i am making her unhappy and she will cut me off from her world. i anticipate this sting 10-fold. i have been through months upon months of depression, unhappiness, fear and emotional isolation. all because of a night in amsterdam. when do i stop being punished for all this?
the dull roar and unending lightening strikes of adrenaline through my stomach has now given way to it's former occupant, depression. i miss things. i long after things. i miss the comfort, although in retrospect i must remember that it was not comfort at all. comfort i have found in the fleeting moments of positive thinking. they happen once every two days or so and catch me off guard. it's been 30 years, but i must found out what the fuck i am doing here. i have to be above the bullshit of my exes. i have to be above the drama, and the pain that these situations have caused. soon enough she will wise up, and realize that i am making her unhappy and she will cut me off from her world. i anticipate this sting 10-fold. i have been through months upon months of depression, unhappiness, fear and emotional isolation. all because of a night in amsterdam. when do i stop being punished for all this?
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