girls and boys

in the bar a few nights ago i turned back to eva and i said, 'sometimes i wonder if other people can see and hear you too'. a guardian angel in my life, a life that at times i recognize as being one that i shouldn't have right now, if it had not been for her unlimited kindness and compassion. when things are at their bleakest, when i have to fight back tears, madness and anxiety, it is her being, her voice which keeps me from fading completely from consciousness by my own hand. she is patient, she is lovely, she transcends all other people in my life as someone who sees beyond regular interaction. she is without context, which is not needed when i am with her. she knows what i am thinking at all times, a look at me in the bar, across from seven or eight people, she shakes her head, mouthing a 'no'. she knows i am thinking inside about becky, hurting myself. she is the best medication anyone could ask for. when i am alone at home, on the verge of an anxiety attack, further sinking into an abyss, tortured by memories of jane, of becky, of happier times wasted, i get a text message from her. she says 'smile'. while at work i am having trouble concentrating, biting back tears, trying to remain professional, i get a message from her that somewhere in the world wherever she is, she loves and cares about me. i really wonder if sometimes other people can see or hear her too. eva is trully a reason to believe that there is a higher power out there looking after us, sending us angels.